The emotional consequences of “silver splits” (at age 50 years or over) depend on one’s ties with adult children. When these ties are close, Lisa Jessee and Deborah Carr observe, depression symptoms are few and short-lived. In other cases, however, symptoms spike after the dissolution and increase further in the years that follow.
Marriage isn’t a guarantee of a “happily ever after,” even for older adults who have been married for decades. Rates of “gray divorce” – or divorce among people aged 50 and older – have risen dramatically throughout Europe and the United States over the past four decades. And it’s not just gray divorce that’s on the rise – older adults in long-term cohabiting unions also are ending their relationships in unprecedented numbers (Alderotti et al., 2022; Vignoli et al., 2025). But these “silver splits” don’t necessarily bring heartbreak and depression. Rather, new research shows that close ties with adult children can be the key to healing and guard against depression before, during, and after the union dissolves. But for the nearly 10 percent of older adults in Europe who are “disconnected” from their adult children – meaning that they’ve had no contact with at least one child in the past year – the emotional pain of the silver split can linger for years (Jessee & Carr, 2025a).
What are “silver splits” and why are they so common?
• Ever-rising numbers of adults in their 50s, 60s, and 70s are leaving (or are being left by) their long-term romantic partners. Experts point to four main reasons behind this uptick in rates of “gray divorce” and “silver splits.” First, older adults are living longer than ever before; people in their 50s and 60s know that they have several decades ahead, and some are realizing that they don’t want to spend their “golden years” in a loveless or unfulfilling union.
• Second, at midlife, people often look back at their lives and decide to make a change – fixing those things that aren’t working and taking steps to find personal fulfillment and happiness in the future.
• Third, with the onset of health problems and caregiving demands in midlife and older age, some couples are seeing their marital quality dip under the stress. In the process, they discover that they may lack the love, understanding, or patience needed to grapple with the challenges that come with age.
• Finally, when children leave the family home and parents are left in their “empty nest,” some spouses or partners recognize that their children were the glue holding them together, and that their relationship has become distant, boring, or worse (Alderotti et al., 2022; Vignoli et al., 2025).
How parent-child relationships help (or hurt) couples
Besides spouses and partners, adult children are among the most important people in the lives of older adults. Just as the “empty nest” stage can hasten a break-up, close ties with adult children can provide a powerful emotional resource as older adults manage the strain of divorce. Yet the absence of ties with children can make coping with the divorce or split all the more difficult, as our recent research has shown (Jessee & Carr, 2025a).
We tracked more than 500 adults aged 50+ over time, and examined how their symptoms of depression (i.e., feeling sad, pessimistic, or despondent) changed before, during, and after the dissolution of their marriage or cohabiting union. What we found was surprising – and counters the widespread notion that depression is inevitable when romantic relationships end. We found that among older adults who had regular contact with one or more of their adult children, their number of depressive symptoms was low throughout the entire study period, either when married, when going through their break-up, or in the years that followed. Even more encouraging, their already low number of depression symptoms fell considerably in the longer term. Four years after their union ended, they showed an uptick in their emotional well-being, revealing the psychological resilience of those who end a potentially unsatisfying union, and who have emotional support from their children.
In stark contrast, a much less rosy picture emerged for the small yet rarely studied population of older adults who are “disconnected” from one child (or more), i.e., those who had a complete lack of contact with at least one adult child in the 12-months preceding their split. Researchers have shown that severely strained or distant ties with even one child (regardless of ties with other children) can be a critical source of stress and duress for older adults (Fingerman et al., 2012; Jessee & Carr, 2025b). Fortunately, disconnectedness is rare in Europe; only 10 percent of parents who experience a silver split are disconnected, with higher rates for men than women.
Regardless of the reason for parent-child disconnectedness, these severed ties sting – and the sting is particularly painful for those who have recently ended a marriage, as our study shows. As Figure 1 illustrates, “silver splitters” disconnected from an adult child experienced a stark and steady increase in depressive symptoms during their split and in the following years. Their depressive symptoms jumped sharply upon dissolution, and were still increasing four years after the transition. Parents who were disconnected from one or more children had significantly more depressive symptoms than their connected counterparts at every stage of the dissolution process, an observation that likely reflects the added strain and lack of support at the core of disconnectedness.
Conclusions
Divorce and silver splits don’t need to be stressful. Older adults should feel encouraged to end unions that are unsatisfying or distressing. Those who have sufficient emotional support can withstand the transition without adverse effects on their mental health. However, we need to pay attention to those growing old with strained or distant intergenerational social ties. Older men and women who are disconnected from a child are more vulnerable to the emotional pains of silver splits and other stressors, and also may lack the practical support needed to manage the challenges of aging – especially as their health worsens. We encourage practitioners to talk to their midlife and older patients about the sources of support they can rely on, rather than presuming that merely having adult children or a former spouse is protective. With the proper support from trusted family or friends, older adults will be better equipped to manage the inevitable ups and downs of life.
References
Alderotti, G., Tomassini, C., & Vignoli, D. (2022). ‘Silver splits’ in Europe. Demographic Research, 46, 619-652.
Fingerman, K. L., Cheng, Y. P., Birditt, K., & Zarit, S. (2012). Only as happy as the least happy child: multiple grown children’s problems and successes and middle-aged parents’ well-being. Journals of Gerontology Series B: Psychological Sciences and Social Sciences, 67(2), 184-193.
Jessee, L., & Carr, D. (2025a). Silver Splits and Parent–Child Disconnectedness: Mental Health Consequences for European Older Adults. European Journal of Population, 41(1), 1-20.
Jessee, L., & Carr, D. (2025b). Parent–Child Disconnectedness and Older European Adults’ Mental Health: Do Patterns Differ by Marital Status and Gender?. The Journals of Gerontology, Series B: Psychological Sciences and Social Sciences, 80(6), gbaf024.
Vignoli, D., Alderotti, G., & Tomassini, C. (2025). Partners’ health and silver splits in Europe: A gendered pattern?. Journal of Marriage and Family, 87(4), 1639-1663.